


The sound of silence

by TenderGlitteryGays



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, M/M, So much angst, the sheriff's name is John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 04:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19055350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenderGlitteryGays/pseuds/TenderGlitteryGays
Summary: "Derek looked so lost. John looked determined. And the grief of both men was thick I'm the air. As thick as the strong smell of antiseptic in the room. As blinding as the white walls. And as quiet as the small puffs of air circulating through Stiles body with the aid of machines."Stiles has been in a coma for three months, and John has taken the decision to take him off life support whilst forbidding Derek to turn him. Derek has a hard time dealing with his emotions.





	The sound of silence

**Author's Note:**

> This is the absolute most angsty fic I've ever written. Heed my warning. This is not some sunshine and daisy's fic.
> 
> This fic is not beta'ed. All errors are my own.
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy ~

"I NEED HIM, JOHN! ... I need him..." Derek's eyes were red-rimmed as he looked John in the eyes. 

"DON'T YOU THINK I NEED HIM TOO, DEREK?!" John was dragging his hands through his hair in a fashion that made Derek's stomach drop. It was so similar to the way Stiles drags his hands through his hair in frustration.

"He is all I have", John continued. "But he did _not_ want this. He _does_  not want it". 

"John, I can save him. I can give him a chance at surviving... please let me save him". 

Derek had his hands hanging loosely down his sides, his shoulders were slumped and his whole demeanour spoke of someone who had given up. 

"Derek, he is my _son_ , and I can't even begin to tell you how much it pains me to say this, but I forbid you. I forbid you from giving the bite to my son." 

John had started shaking now, tears falling freely from his eyes, but he did not waver in his eye contact with Derek. He needed to show strength. This was what Stiles wanted. 

Derek looked so lost. John looked determined. And the grief of both men was thick I'm the air. As thick as the strong smell of antiseptic in the room. As blinding as the white walls. And as quiet as the small puffs of air circulating through Stiles body with the aid of machines. 

Derek cast his eyes to the still form laying on the crisp white sheets. He stroke his hand down Stiles' unmoving arm, and then he left, almost walking in slow motion down the halls. He could not bare the sorrow running through his chest, tearing him apart from the inside. 

The air outside was crisp, as it usually was this time of the day. It was dark outside and leaves had started to fall from the trees. The world was dying; green leaves turned brown and frail, birds stopped singing, the cold crept in. Unlike Stiles, it would re-awaken. It would come back. But tomorrow, Stiles would have no more chance at waking up. His amber eyes would never melt and turn into liquid honey under the reflection of the sunlight again. His ears would never hear the birds singing. He would be gone. Forever. 

~~

_Light spilled in from the big loft window, casting the room in a warm glow, and Derek could feel it warming his skin. Blinking his eyes open, he twisted on the bed and saw Stiles' mole dotted back facing him. The rays of morning sun making his pale skin glow where it touched him. Derek gently reached his arm out and followed the path of sunlight down Stiles' back with his fingers. So softly it was barely there, but Derek saw Stiles' skin rise into goosebumps against his fingertips.  He smiled._

_"You're awake, aren't you?"_

_"Not if me being awake will make you stop what you're doing", Stiles grumbled in response._

_Derek snorted, but continued to follow the sun rays across Stiles' back with his fingers.  He shifted slightly, and followed the same path with his lips, starting from the top of Stiles' nape. Slowly, slowly, and so soft._

_Stiles moaned in response, twisting his upper body enough to curl his hand in Derek's hair, bringing his mouth more firmly against his shoulder blade, where Derek had ended up in his chase of the sun._

_Derek bit down lightly before dislogding himself and letting Stiles turn fully. His hair was rumpled against the sheets, and a smile was playing on his lips when he slowly opened his eyes._

_Derek stared into the deep wells of dripping honey that currently was Stiles' eyes. Admiring how the light took them from deep amber to something more akin to gold._

_"Good morning", he said with a slight smile playing on his lips._

_"Good morning, indeed. Sappywolf."_

~~

Stiles had been in the hospital for three months now. No improvement, the doctor had said. Brain dead. 

And Derek knew, deep inside, even without the doctor, that there had been no change. His condition would never change. Stiles was, for all intents and purposes, already gone from this world. 

Sitting down on the curb, Derek hung his head between his knees, clasping the back of his head with both hands, and he sobbed. 

He felt so powerless, with Stiles laying in the hospital, waiting for the machines to be turned off; and with Derek sitting on the curbside, the antidote at his fingertips. 

Derek tightened his hands in his own hair and let out another inhumane sound. 

"I told you, Stiles. Why didn't you just listen? Stiles...", another sob wrecked through his body. 

~~

_"No I'm telling you Stiles. Stay where you are."_

_"Like you even get to decide what I'm gonna do, Sourwolf."_

_"It can wait. There's a fucking storm going on, Stiles."_

_"Dude, nothing is gonna keep me from spending your birthday with you!"_

_"It's not that important. Stay. Where. You. Are."_

_"Already on my way. I'll see you in 30, Derek. And you better be in celebratory mood."_

_*Click*_

~~

Come to think of it. Stiles had never been one to take orders from anyone. Of course he would go against a fucking storm to celebrate a birthday. That was not the first time he had ignored his own safety for the people he loved. And it had not been the last one either.

Stiles had made it safely to Derek's loft, and even though Derek had been worried out of his mind, almost running out in the storm himself only to forcefully make Stiles turn his jeep around and drive back to his house, they had ended up spending a quiet evening on the couch with some home made cake and a movie. Stiles had even forced Derek to wear a party hat and join in for a "selfie", which might have been the most stupid word Derek had ever heard come from Stiles' mouth.

Derek pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. On the screen was the picture Stiles had forced him to join in for. 

Derek stroked his finger across the screen whilst looking at the picture. He looked so stupid with the Iron man themed party hat on top of his head. Stiles on the other hand was making a stupid face towards the camera. He looked so happy, with his eyes crossed and a broad grin on his face, and with a cropped off thumb poking up in front of him.

Derek hadn't really paid any thought to what Stiles wanted the picture for, but when he stumbled across it on his Facebook feed a couple of days later, titled "Happy birthday, Sappywolf", he couldn't resist _actually_ looking at it. 

Even if he had looked and felt stupid when the picture was taken, Stiles had captured a moment Derek didn't even realise existed. 

In the midst of all the stupidity in that one photo, Stiles had captured Derek looking at Stiles like he was the most precious thing in the world. He had a stupid small smile on his face and eyes so soft he didn't even recognise them. 

Derek had secretly stolen the picture from Stiles' facebook and kept it as his phone background since. 

As it turns out, that picture had gotten him through most days when Stiles was away for collage. Long distance was hard.

This time, the picture didn't help the gruesome ache in his chest, and he lifted the phone to his ear instead. 

*beep*

"Hey, so... you've reached Stiles. And on the assumption that you didn't just dial the wrong number, I bet you wanted to talk... or something. Well. As you've probably figured out I'm not able to take your call right now, so if it's important just... I don't know? Leave a message? Call again? There is a possibility I just couldn't find my phone quick enough to answer. Ciao, or whatever. Love you. No, wait, I didn't mean to say that last part. How do I de..."

*beep*

~~

_"...Ciao, or whatever. Love you. No, wait, I didn't mean to say that last part. How do I delete this?"_

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Derek! I'm uh, just recording a voicemail thingie. That was just the practice round."_

_Derek took the phone from Stiles' hands, and with the aid of his height and werewolf strength, he held Stiles back as he lifted the phone to his ear in order to hear the message. It was a rare thing, but the message had him laugh out loud, and instead of deleting it, he saved it._

_"Derek! Let me keep some sense of dignity goddammit." Stiles said still struggling to get to his phone, his arms reaching as far as they could._

_"There. Done. It's deleted." Derek lied whilst laughing, and handed the phone back._

_"Oh. Thanks. That was embarrassing. Although, you shouldn't have fucking listened to it. Some things should be sacred, and that was one part of my dignity I was not prepared to let go of..." Stiles said with a glare, before stopping to think. Then he continued with "I think I should probably write something down instead of just rambling. I never know what to say on these things, haha!"_

_Derek lifted an eyebrow. "Considering that you ramble even when you write, maybe you should just stick with the pre-made message instead." Then he leaned in to peck Stiles on the lips._ _"And what dignity are you even talking about?" Derek finished before straightening up and leaving the room laughing._

_"Oh fuck off Derek."_

~~

"... Hey, Stiles." Derek started before falling into silence again. 

"I..." he sighed into the phone.

"I just needed to hear your voice. It's been so long. I bet you've grown tired of me rambling to you day in and day out. Well, if it's true what people say, that you can actually hear even in a coma. Fuck, Stiles. You're in a coma so deep that you won't ever wake up. And I just wanted to hear your voice." Derek's could feel the lump in his throat, and how close his voice was to cracking. 

"Anyways, I..." Derek cleared his voice and pressed his fingers to his eyes before he continued "I, uh... I just wanted to say that... I love you..." As hard as he tried, Derek could not keep the cracking of his voice hidden at those words. 

"That's it. That's what I wanted to say. I love you."

*click*

Desperately trying to clear his voice, he dialled the number again. 

*beep*

"Hey, so... you've reached Stiles. And on the assumption that you didn't just dial the wrong number, I bet you wanted to talk... or something. Well. As you've probably figured out I'm not able to take your call right now, so if it's important just... I don't know? Leave a message? Call again? There is a possibility I just couldn't find my phone quick enough to answer. Ciao, or whatever. Love you."

*Click*

 

*beep*

"Hey, so... you've reached Stiles. And on the assumption that you didn't just dial the wrong number, I bet you wanted to talk... or something. Well. As you've probably figured out I'm not able to take your call right now"

*click*

 

*beep*

"Hey, so... you've reached Stiles."

Derek suddenly rose to his feet and violently threw the phone into the nearest wall before pacing back and forth, gripping his hair so tight he might have actually pulled some of it out. 

The phone was in million pieces, but Derek could still hear Stiles' voice echo in his head. " _Hey, so... you've reached Stiles. ...Love you._ "

"I can't. I can't. Stiles, you can't." 

That was all he could say before he started running, and with his fourth step, the full shift took over him completely, tearing his clothes apart.

~~

_"Holy shit, Derek! This is some cool ass fucking shit. How long have you been able to do this?!"_

_Stiles was staring at Derek, now turned into a wolf, a real actual living wolf, and motioning to him with flailing arms. Derek was huge. And black as the night. His red eyes in stark contrast to the black, thick fur._

_"Holy fuck, can I?" Stiles motioned with his hands hoping that Derek would understand, and then he slowly inched forward with his arm fully extended._

_Stiles was shocked when Derek approached the extended hand and let him pet him. "Who knew you were so soft, big guy?" Stiles cooed._

_Derek just tackled Stiles to the ground and shifted back, completely naked._

_"Well this was a great surprise", Stiles exclaimed before rolling the both of them so he was on top of Derek. "And I intend to take full advantage," he continued._  

~~

Derek had somehow made it to the loft and was now standing buck naked in his living room, looking at pictures Stiles had sneaked into his home. 

There was one picture of the pack. The pack which was now spread out throughout the country. Everyone following their dreams. Scott, Kira and Lydia had all come to visit Stiles in the hospital on separate occasions. But they had lives to live, and had made Derek promise to call them with any updates. Isaac had sent a letter. Malia had called. And Jackson had not said a word. But Stiles was Derek's life. He couldn't just leave and wait for updates.

Most pictures were from the 10 day road trip they had taken in the spring when Stiles was done with all of his classes for the year.

They had visited many places, amongst them the Grand Canyon, where they had taken pictures a little bit too close to the edge. Derek had been terrified for Stiles' life the whole time, and you could see it in the disapproving look he was casting Stiles, along with the arm he had secured around Stiles' back, prepared to push him as far away from the edge as possible should something go wrong. 

Ironic, seeing as he hadn't been able to save Stiles when it had mattered.

~~

_"Give me that, Stiles. You can't even see where you're going."_

_"Oh fuck off, Sourwolf. I am perfectly capable of carrying groceries, thank you very much."_

_Stiles was carrying a stuffed paper bag of groceries in front of him, a twelve pack of eggs balancing at the very top, and he was keeping them secured with his chin._

_"At least let me take the eggs."_

_"Derek. Love. Sweet growly man of mine. Your arms are full. I can take the eggs."_

_"You're ridiculous. Don't blame me when you drop the eggs and we will have none for morning omelettes."_

_"I love you too."_

_This was what they did. They bickered. Always. But there was rarely malice behind the words. It was just their way of communicating._

_Just outside of the doors to the store, Stiles was accidentally tackled from behind by a child playing tag with his sister, and he lost his balance briefly, dropping the eggs in the process.The sound of cracking eggs against the concrete was obvious._

_"I told you so." Derek sighed._

_"Aaawh fuck! My eggs! I really wanted omelettes." Stiles exclaimed while hastily stepping to the side to not step in the gooey eggs on the ground._

_Before Derek had the chance to respond, Stiles' foot accidentally slipped on the down slope of the curb, and Derek saw it as if in slow motion, the way Stiles suddenly started falling. He saw him clinging to the groceries he still held in front of him, and when Stiles' head hit the curb, the crack was so loud it shook Derek's world. It was nothing like that of the eggs._

~~

Derek wiped angry tears from his face. Stiles could hate him for all he wanted. But he had the power to do something about this, and he would. He couldn't just let Stiles slip away from him.

Determined, Derek stalked into his bathroom to wash up, before he headed to the hospital again. Everything was gonna be alright.

Realising that he had left the Camaro at the hospital, Derek decided to take Stiles' jeep instead. Stiles would be happy to drive it home. 

Derek parked the jeep next to his car at the hospital and made his way inside. Visiting hours were soon over, and the hospital was being emptied by people. Derek, however, had somehow become the exception to the rule. Nobody had tried to send him home since that first night. 

Entering Stiles' room, he saw the Sheriff getting ready to leave. 

"Hey, Derek."

"John..."

"Ah, you went home, I see." John said, studying Derek carefully, as if waiting for him to lash out.

"Yeah I needed to clear my head." Derek said, casting his eyes to the floor. He didn't like withholding information from the Sheriff. 

"I was just about to leave, but I guess you'll be staying?" John said whilst scrunching up his eyebrows. "Just... don't do anything stupid, son." He continued. 

"I know that isn't the life Stiles would want", Derek said, eyes still downcast. And even if he had decided to go through with his plan behind John's back, just the mere thought of losing Stiles forever made fresh tears threaten to fall.

"I know it's hard for you Derek. It's hard for me too. But we need to be here for each other now. We need to stay strong for Stiles. Respect his wishes."

"Yes, sir." Derek said, choking up. 

John walked up to Derek and clasped a hand to his shoulder. "You've lost more than anyone I've ever known, and not once have you had the chance of saying goodbye or creating closure for yourself. Make your closure tonight, Derek. Say your goodbyes." John's voice broke at the end of his sentence. And before Derek knew it, he was being engulfed in John's arms. 

The two gripped each other tightly, and when they parted, John looked Derek straight in the eyes. 

"Melissa and I will arrive at eight in the morning. She'll pull the plug. I've notified the pack." John said before turning and walking towards the door. Before he closed it behind him, he turned around once more. "Just remember that you are not alone in this, son."

Derek watched the door slide shut and he heard the clicking sound confirming it. They were alone now. 

Derek walked up to Stiles' bedside and sat down in the closest chair, taking Stiles' limp hand in his. He then brought it up towards his face and kissed it lightly whilst breathing in Stiles' scent. It was barely there. Stiles mostly smelled of hospital and antiseptic now. He was too clean, too still. 

"Stiles... you are the most infuriating person I know. You are stubborn, and loud, and fidgety. You are never still for more than a few seconds and you always have a comeback," Derek started. 

"It's unnatural to see you laying so still, with no witty remarks at the tip of your tongue. I need you to come back for me." Derek felt the lump deep in his throat again.

"You are the clumsiest person I've met. And at the same time you are strong and fearless. Only you will run with wolves for years, sustain deadly injuries and even become possessed by a darach without dying, but fall into a brain dead inducing coma from slipping on the curb side whilst carrying groceries. " It wasn't funny, but Derek felt himself release a laugh anyway. The lump in his throat didn't lessen.

"You are always so full of love, and you would do anything for the people close to you. So you have my full permission to hate me for this but I have to do anything I can to save you. I know this won't be the life you wanted, but at least you'll be alive." Derek choked and let the tears fall onto Stiles' hand, which he still held to his mouth.

"I know it's selfish of me, but I love you too much to let you go. I can't sit idly by as they shut off the machines keeping your heart beating. I'm sorry. I love you." Derek finished, squeezing his eyes shut before bringing Stiles' arm up to his face.

Derek then sank his fangs into Stiles' forearm, making sure to go deep. There were no margins for error.

Now he just had to wait.

~~

Derek was stroking Stiles' forehead, absentmindedly listening to the machines surrounding him. It would all be okay soon. Everything would be okay.

Stiles was just laying there, completely still, seemingly unfazed by the bite he had received just hours prior. 

Derek looked at Stiles' face for any signs he was waking up. It's brain damage. It takes longer to repair, even as a wolf. Studying Stiles' features in the soft light of the hospital room, Derek's eyes suddenly dropped to a movement he thought he saw in the periphery, close to Stiles' mouth. 

"No." Derek rose from his seat next to Stiles and placed a fingertip just below Stiles' nose. The tip came back coloured black.

"No no no no." He desperately wiped it away with his hands, accidentally smearing it further. 

"No, Stiles. STILES."

~~

They found him in the morning sitting in the hospital bed, eyes red rimmed, desperately hugging Stiles' still form to his chest, rocking to and fro. John noticed the black fluid's continuous flow down his son's face first thing when he entered the room with Melissa McCall.

"Derek..." John whispered.

"I couldn't not try, John. I couldn't." Derek said out into the room without looking at anyone. 

John choked up. "I know, son. I know." He said, clasping Derek's shoulder tightly. 

"I couldn't save him. I failed. I failed him." Tears were unashamedly making their way down Derek's face.

"You didn't fail anyone, Derek."

Nobody said anything for a while, and when Melissa choked back the tears, asking if they were ready, John just grasped one of Stiles' hands in his and squeezed Derek's shoulder tightly. Derek buried his face in Stiles' hair and squeezed his eyes shut. There were no more tears left to cry.

When Melissa pulled the plug to the machine keeping Stiles alive, the whole room suddenly fell into an unnatural silence. A room with Stiles in it was never silent. And that thought was like a punch to Derek's stomach. Stiles was not in this room anymore. And he had left only silence in his wake. 

_FIN_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Did you like it? Consider leaving kudos and/or comments. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @TenderGlitteryGays


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